you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
