Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
