Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
