at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
