wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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