Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
