You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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