Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize