He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
