Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
