i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
