It's Friday. Sex?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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