Cold hands, warm shart.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
