shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
