i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
two words: eviction party
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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