This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just puked most of my soul out..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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