I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
