you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
