and i looked up. we had an audience...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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