How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
