Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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