foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
