He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
They have beer where we have blood.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
