And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Randomize
