So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Found your dick twin last night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
