Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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