dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
