I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
