Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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