it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
