I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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