I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize