sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
