I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
