just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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