At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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