i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize