Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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