in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
