Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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