i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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