How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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