dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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