his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she pinky promised me she was 18
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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