With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
