Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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