You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
