can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
