Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
