I'm so fucking centered right now
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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