I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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