I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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