The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
where are you?
Hypothermia
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
