i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
