If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
