i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize