Got a toothbrush?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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