they need to just BURY HIM!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
