Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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