it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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