Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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