If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
