She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
