Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
